Thursday, November 29, 2012


Sometimes change is good.  Sometimes change is bad.  Sometimes change is bitter-sweet.  Well, our family is going through a change right now that is bitter-sweet.  After 9 months of turmoil, ups and downs, and a lot of counseling; I filed for divorce.  It's a big bitter-sweet change in my life; in my family's life since it has been broken in two.  It really is for the best.  Jameson and I remain on good terms for Kian's sake.  And, at least on my end, there is not one ounce of regret.

So why do I say it's bitter-sweet?  Well, I've been through most of the bitter part already.  I have grieved over the loss of my marriage since the middle of May and I am in a very good place right now.  The sweet part is that I'm looking forward to the future and what it will hold for Kian and me.  

At the end of December, Kian and I will pack up our things and drive up to Wisconsin with our cat Willow and start over.  (Kian will visit his father every third weekend.)  This is where the bitter part comes in; leaving Champaign.  Tomorrow is my last day at Cream & Flutter, the wonderful, little gourmet cupcake shop that I have loved since I discovered it over 4 years ago and have been frosting at for over 2 years.  It's the first job I have ever had that I loved completely.  I have learned so much about the art of frosting and baking and know that it's something I will continue to do in some way even after I move to Wisconsin.  And the hardest part of all will be leaving my friends here in Champaign.  I said goodbye to my amazingly close friend in July when her family moved to Canada - which was so hard but thank God for technology, she is still my very, very good friend and will probably be forever.  Since she left I became close to another family who really has embraced me, listened to my rants, made me laugh, and even introduced me to Shrimp Crackers which are pretty darn good  :)    I can't say that I will never be back in Champaign because I know I will need to see the Taylors and have a cuppa or two with them.

As for the sweet part, I will finally be back in the mother land of Wisconsin.  I have dreamed of raising Kian there, but never thought it would be a reality.  I will be close to almost all of my family - including extended relatives who have been so supportive and encouraging (in fact, I am planning another post on that).  Kian will have so many amazing opportunities at the school he will be attending in Wisconsin.  Plus he will grow up knowing his Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Zuelzke and a myriad of Great Aunts and Uncles and even a Great-Great Uncle (not many kids can say that!).  He will also be able to grow up with my nephew Braeden and get to know his Aunt Laura and Uncle Brian so much better.  Plus he has second and third cousins that he will get closer to and a lot of third cousins to play with...I guess moving back to Wisconsin is all about family.

I actually considered changing the name of my blog because when I said the word family, I thought of Jamie, Kian and me.  But now my family looks different.  It's not just the three of us; it's Kian and me and so many other relatives that I cannot even begin to count their numbers! 

Life moves forward, our family grows, and the gibberish continues as always.