Tuesday, December 18, 2012

If I Look Back, I Am Lost

Usually this time of year I would have already created our Christmas card and letter and prepared a post about looking back on the last year.  This year you won't be receiving a Christmas card from me.  You won't be reading a post looking back at all the wonderful things that happened in 2012.  This year was not pretty; not one I choose to look back on.

Instead I choose to look forward.  To quote George RR Martin, "If I look back, I am lost."  Why?  Because when you look back and you're still moving forward, you don't have the ability to enjoy or experience the things that are ahead of you in life.  Not to mention, it's hard to see where you're stepping if you're looking backwards!

I'm unsure of what the path through 2013 will bring me.  I've learned this year that life can throw you a major curve ball.  Having expectations is one thing - having hopes is another.  So what do I hope for 2013?
  • A new job
  • A new place to live
  • Seeing members of my family much more often
  • Kian growing up with his cousin Braeden
  • Kian getting to really know his Great Grandma and Great Grandpa
  • New friends for both Kian and me

Oddly enough, looking at that list most of it is about Kian!  Really, he is the core of my life - the reason why I have chosen to do things in the manner they are being done now - so it would all be easier on him.  He has so many wonderful things in store for him and I know in time he will grow used to having two families and two houses.  How do I know this?  Because I grew used to it when I was growing up.  But Kian has the added blessing of his parents being able to get along with each other to help it all go a lot smoother over the next 10 years (sheesh!  he's going to be an adult in 10 years!!!).

So farewell 2012.  Thank you for all the life lessons you've taught me.   Those lessons helped me find my inner strength as a woman and be a better mother.  Now onto 2013 where much bigger and better things await.

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