Risk

Risk means putting it out there.  Exposing yourself and possibly making yourself vulnerable to "attack."

When you have already been under fire and forced to surrender, it's hard to get back out there and put yourself at risk again.  You want to stay in your safe house.  Never leave. 

But what kind of a life is that?  Not one that's worth living.

Life in general is a risk.  We have to decide to take the leap or stay back.   Staying back means no growth.  It means life isn't as full as it can be.  But taking the risk means you can get hurt.

So how do you take the leap?  Put one foot in front of the other.  Baby steps.  The first BIG step is looking inside and finding what it is that is holding you back; what you fear.  The second is recognizing those fears and weighing if they are true, true for only one situation, or not true at all.  Third is the other BIG step - going out and taking that risk.

Could you get hurt?  Yes.  Could someone else you care for get hurt?  Yes.  Will you recover from any pain?  Yes, and sometimes you will be surprised how fast you can recover just by processing  through the situation; acknowledging hurts and emotions.

What if you don't take the leap?  Could you grow?  No.  Could you find something that you never thought you would ever find before?  No.   Why?   Because you have to take that risk.  You can't "stay inside" forever.  You need to open up.  Blossom.  Explore the new you, because after all "war" has changed you. 

But look before you leap.  Gauge if the risk is worth it.  If the person or situation isn't worth the risk, the hold back.  Another opportunity will come; a better one.  If you deem the person or situation worth of putting your neck (or heart) out there, then do it!    You don't have to go off the high dive head first or even take a running jump, taking a risk can mean baby steps.  It can mean baby steps that lead to bigger steps that lead to you dunking your toes in the water and then hopping in waist deep.

Taking the risk can be scary.  There's no guarantee on the outcome.  But if you sit on the sidelines of life, you can miss something or someone important.

If I Look Back, I Am Lost

Usually this time of year I would have already created our Christmas card and letter and prepared a post about looking back on the last year.  This year you won't be receiving a Christmas card from me.  You won't be reading a post looking back at all the wonderful things that happened in 2012.  This year was not pretty; not one I choose to look back on.

Instead I choose to look forward.  To quote George RR Martin, "If I look back, I am lost."  Why?  Because when you look back and you're still moving forward, you don't have the ability to enjoy or experience the things that are ahead of you in life.  Not to mention, it's hard to see where you're stepping if you're looking backwards!

I'm unsure of what the path through 2013 will bring me.  I've learned this year that life can throw you a major curve ball.  Having expectations is one thing - having hopes is another.  So what do I hope for 2013?

• A new job
• A new place to live
• Seeing members of my family much more often
• Kian growing up with his cousin Braeden
• Kian getting to really know his Great Grandma and Great Grandpa
• New friends for both Kian and me

Oddly enough, looking at that list most of it is about Kian!  Really, he is the core of my life - the reason why I have chosen to do things in the manner they are being done now - so it would all be easier on him.  He has so many wonderful things in store for him and I know in time he will grow used to having two families and two houses.  How do I know this?  Because I grew used to it when I was growing up.  But Kian has the added blessing of his parents being able to get along with each other to help it all go a lot smoother over the next 10 years (sheesh!  he's going to be an adult in 10 years!!!).

So farewell 2012.  Thank you for all the life lessons you've taught me.   Those lessons helped me find my inner strength as a woman and be a better mother.  Now onto 2013 where much bigger and better things await.

My Foremothers

One of the greatest gifts this journey has given me is insight and remembearnace of the amazing women in my family who have gone before me.   When there were times I didn't think I could keep on or wondered how I would make it through, I would remember some of these women, pull up my big girl panties, and trudge forward.

The first woman that came to mind was my Great-Great Grandmother who had one son and was married to an abusive man.  She left him.  That sounds easy but we are talking about a time before women were even able to vote and when women were considered little more than property to their husbands.  A married woman up and leaving her husband for any reason just was not done.  But my Great-Great Grandma did and if she had not I would not be typing this very sentence.  When she moved on, she met my Great-Great Grandpa LaTulip, who adopted her son, and had other children with including my Great Grandmother.

Then there is my Irish Great Grandma who was feisty.  I was very lucky to have known her for a handful of years before she passed on and I have a several memories of her and great stories about her from my uncles and aunts.  She was a very strong, no nonsense, but witty woman who I hope I can conjure enough gumption from in these upcoming days.

Then, not long after I told my dad's side of the family about the divorce, I received an amazing email from my Aunt Sue.  I have thought about it often over the last several months.  She listed a long line of women who I know and knew growing up who have shown great strength, determination and gumption. The list included my Great Grandma Kesler (who apparently ruled the roost of her house and was very determined) and Great Grandma Quatsoe who took care of her three small children while her husband was off fighting in WWII (props to all those military moms!)  I cannot imagine trying to keep a family going and not being able to get in touch and know your loved one is ok in the amount of time we can today.  Then there is one of my Great Aunts pulled her young children out of an abusive marriage and raised them single handedly, not an easy thing at that point in time.  And my Great Aunt Marilyn, a nun who was voted by her order to be the provincial twice for her order (that’s the equivalent of a Cardinal for a man). She has made many important decisions and had the honor of being chosen to do so.

Then there are my Aunt Sue, Aunt Jane, Aunt Katie, and Aunt Lori who have all been successful women who have overcome their own adversities but who have all been amazing examples of strength, wisdom and encouragement.

And last, but certainly not least, there's my own mother.  I was Kian's age when my mom and dad divorced. My mom was a stay at home mom and only had her high school diploma to fall back on (I am lucky having my Bachelor's Degree).  I know there was a time when we were on food stamps and a time when mom had to borrow money to buy groceries.  My sister and I never knew these things until we were adults.  You know why?  Because my mom never left us needing for anything.  As a child I know I couldn't see it, but I can imagine the confidence that grew inside of my mom as she put one foot in front of the other venturing down this new path of life.  My words do not do justice to the amount of strength I pull from my mom in thinking about how she made it through this time in her life.  But one thing I told myself over and over again when I would get scared about what would happen was, "if my mom can do it; so can I."

I'm going to end this post with a quote from my Aunt Sue's email to me because I think it sums up exactly what I am trying to say.

"Your DNA comes from this legacy of women. Up until now, you haven’t needed to draw on it. I’m sure you will find it now that you need it. Set your goals, put one foot in front of the other; while it won’t be easy, you can do it."
All these women are my Foremothers who have provided the torch to light my path ahead.

Changes

Sometimes change is good.  Sometimes change is bad.  Sometimes change is bitter-sweet.  Well, our family is going through a change right now that is bitter-sweet.  After 9 months of turmoil, ups and downs, and a lot of counseling; I filed for divorce.  It's a big bitter-sweet change in my life; in my family's life since it has been broken in two.  It really is for the best.  Jameson and I remain on good terms for Kian's sake.  And, at least on my end, there is not one ounce of regret.

So why do I say it's bitter-sweet?  Well, I've been through most of the bitter part already.  I have grieved over the loss of my marriage since the middle of May and I am in a very good place right now.  The sweet part is that I'm looking forward to the future and what it will hold for Kian and me.  

At the end of December, Kian and I will pack up our things and drive up to Wisconsin with our cat Willow and start over.  (Kian will visit his father every third weekend.)  This is where the bitter part comes in; leaving Champaign.  Tomorrow is my last day at Cream & Flutter, the wonderful, little gourmet cupcake shop that I have loved since I discovered it over 4 years ago and have been frosting at for over 2 years.  It's the first job I have ever had that I loved completely.  I have learned so much about the art of frosting and baking and know that it's something I will continue to do in some way even after I move to Wisconsin.  And the hardest part of all will be leaving my friends here in Champaign.  I said goodbye to my amazingly close friend in July when her family moved to Canada - which was so hard but thank God for technology, she is still my very, very good friend and will probably be forever.  Since she left I became close to another family who really has embraced me, listened to my rants, made me laugh, and even introduced me to Shrimp Crackers which are pretty darn good  :)    I can't say that I will never be back in Champaign because I know I will need to see the Taylors and have a cuppa or two with them.

As for the sweet part, I will finally be back in the mother land of Wisconsin.  I have dreamed of raising Kian there, but never thought it would be a reality.  I will be close to almost all of my family - including extended relatives who have been so supportive and encouraging (in fact, I am planning another post on that).  Kian will have so many amazing opportunities at the school he will be attending in Wisconsin.  Plus he will grow up knowing his Great Grandma and Great Grandpa Zuelzke and a myriad of Great Aunts and Uncles and even a Great-Great Uncle (not many kids can say that!).  He will also be able to grow up with my nephew Braeden and get to know his Aunt Laura and Uncle Brian so much better.  Plus he has second and third cousins that he will get closer to and a lot of third cousins to play with...I guess moving back to Wisconsin is all about family.

I actually considered changing the name of my blog because when I said the word family, I thought of Jamie, Kian and me.  But now my family looks different.  It's not just the three of us; it's Kian and me and so many other relatives that I cannot even begin to count their numbers! 

Life moves forward, our family grows, and the gibberish continues as always.

Expectations...

There are things in life that we just expect to work. Like expecting your alarm going off to wake us up in time.  Like flipping the switch expecting the light to turn on.  Or like putting your keys in the ignition and expecting your car to start. 

Last week the latter happened to me.  I went to the store and after shopping turned the key in my car and nothing happened.  I expected to turn my car on and to be on my merry say, running about town doing my errands.  Instead, I ended up waiting for AAA to rescue me with a jump to my battery.  The jump lasted me enough to get 3 miles into driving until the car just shut down and i ended up on the size of the road.  (in a No Parking, Tow Away Zone no less!).  The same AAA tow truck guy came to give me and my car a lift to the dealership where we get repairs done. 

An hour later it was discovered that not only was my battery dead, but my breaks were dangerously close to being worn out completely and my tires were bald!  I expected the battery but not the other issues and certainly not for them to be as bad as they were!  If it weren't for my battery, I may have ended up in an accident and someone may have been hurt - and it could have been the most important someone to me, my son. 

Oddly enough, the situation I found myself in today paralleled something happening in my personal life.  Sometimes we coast through life, expecting it to remain the same as it has always been.  We sometimes take for granted that everything functions as a well oiled machine until something stalls and we need a tow from a bad situation to a better one.  Sometimes a quick jump will help us get to where we need to go and sometimes it will only take us half way there before something dire happens.  And sometimes after further introspection there is more wrong than just the issues that produced the stalling symptom.  At this point it should be considered a blessing that these other arising problems were discovered before they caused catastrophic results.  Especially because there were no other symptoms that would show you there was a big problem growing; one that could not be seen unless you were looking for it or underwent a physical to check and make sure everything was ok 

Now there are two roads to travel.  One path is to ignore the problem and not fix it until it was fully seen.  Or road two, address and fix the problem.  Both roads come with a price.  One price you pay later and the other you pay now to insure security and safety.  Either way the price is painful, but to me paying to get my breaks replaced before they wore out completely was the best and wisest option.  Fixing the unseen issues took a toll on our wallet, but I know that it was well worth taking care of now.  

It's been a week and my car has been working just fine.  But there are times when I wonder if it could break down again. When I see a tow truck.  When I pass by the place where I was stalled on the side of the road.  Those reminders can never be removed and will serve as a reminder that not everything is always going to work like it always has or have grown to expect.

Fake Cookies

Yesterday I offered Kian a oatmeal fig cookie that I brought home from Cream & Flutter. He took a bite and wasn't a fan so it was onto a different snack.

A little bit later I asked Kian if he wanted to have cupcakes or cookies for his birthday this year. He said that he wanted cookies - not sugar cookies but chocolate chip without frosting or any other fixings. My first thought was ah, ok.... how am I going to work this out!

A while after that I thought I would ask him again and make sure he was for sure on the idea of cookies since I was going to buy themed cookie cutters to make cut outs of chocolate chip cookies (yep, there's a recipe for them!).

"Yep, but I don't want those fake cookies."

I was perplexed, "What do you mean? Like those cookies you buy in the store and bake?"

"No, like those cookies in there," he pointed to the kitchen.

Once again I was perplexed until I thought for a bit, "Do you mean the fig cookies?"

"Yeah, those fake cookies."

It was then that my son and I had a discussion about figs being a fruit and no fruit would be involve in the making of his birthday cookies LOL!

And the diet comes to an end....

Yesterday we finished our diet and had our first splurge day. I have to say that I was really looking forward to it, but being in the middle of it I started realizing that my view of food has completely changed from before we started dieting.

Jameson and I ate lunch at our favorite Indian restaurant - and as usual got their buffet. My first (and only plate) had two small pieces of naan, a scoop of basmati rice, and a scoop of chicken tikka masala. I couldn't eat it all! It was then that Jameon and I decided that if we do Indian again we will get one order and split it. Before I would have two plate of food, countless pieces of naan, and the carrot puree desert. Bleh! I have no idea how I did it...and I will never go back to being that person again....

That evening we decided to have dinner at our favorite Mexican restaurant, El Toro. Since we went almost 10 weeks without cheese or carbs we were excited to dig in. Of course I order what I usually do - a combo that has a chalupa (the real deal, not the Taco Bell crap), enchilada, and a taco. I could only eat the chalupa....the rest of it came home with me in a box. Granted, I did have quite a few tortilla chips with their salsa, but not enough to ruin my entire appetite! But I was happy eating just the chalupa because if I would have ate more I would have felt sick to my stomach...just the whole chalupa was making me feel uncomfortable!


To top it all off, I brought home some cupcakes after I was done with my frosting shift at Cream & Flutter. Now this, unfortunately, is the one food that is the bane of my existance. The gourmet cupcakes that we serve or beyond delicious and enter into the heavenly category. They are hard to resist and I must keep my indulging to weekly. Having a cupcake every day got me to the 30lbs that I packed on before! But one cupcake a week - on our splurge day - helps me enjoy the delicious cupcakes I help create without the guilt.

After all was said and done, splurge day was not what I expected. Sure we ate food that we had been looking forward to having again. But my view of food is so different now it's not quite as exciting as it used to be. I'm not looking at what will just taste good, but what my body will accept as good fuel.

So today we went back to eating as we were when we were on the diet to help our bodies readjust to all those carbs and calories that its not used to having to process. And you know what? I actually don't mind going back to a meat and two veggies. I know it will not only taste good, but my body will thank me for it :)

Dinner tonight: Grilled top sirloin, roasted asparagus and mushrooms with a bit of EVOO, Real Salt, and fresh ground Garlic Pepper seasoning. So hard to eat....NOT! lol

Before and Afterish Photos

We aren't completely done with our diet, but we are nearing the end of our weight loss part of the plan. As we approached this part of the diet, I started to look through photos of myself from before the diet and it was hard for me to see a difference. I know I lost weight, I know I have gained a new sense of food and how to make better decisions on what I put in my body. But it was just hard for me to see the difference.

So today I finally emailed my coach and asked to see the before photos she took of me the day before we started our journey. She took a front view and a side view. So I asked Jameson to take both a front view and a side view of me today so I could compare. And I gotta say, now I can see the difference!

So, here we go!

Photos below taken November 29, 2011:

Below photos taken February 1, 2012:

Goodbye 30lbs!

Today was our last weigh in before we started Phase 3 of our diet. During Phase 1 and Phase 2 we are extremely limited on the amount of carbs we can ingest. During Phase 3 we start reintroducing carbs during breakfast. That means that tomorrow morning I get to have the one thing I have been craving over the last 9 weeks...a peanut butter sandwich! Funny how such a simple thing can become the top desire on my list.

So in the last 9 weeks I have lost 30lbs exactly - yep, exactly...how freaking weird is that?!? We will gain some weight back with Phase 3 - water weight from the carbs being reintroduced. But over the last 9 weeks we lost weight, got rid of two of Jameson's meds, and most importantly learned to eat in a while new and healthy way.

The oddest thing is that I honestly don't feel like I've lost that much weight. I feel as if I look the same as I always have, just things fit a bit better or are a little loose. Jameson says he can see a difference - I guess I need to get some recent photos of myself and take a good hard look :p I do feel better about myself and healthier - which was the point of the whole diet!

Halloween 2011

This was our 4th year trick or treating in cold Illinois. It also marked the 4th anniversary me meeting our good friends, the Traficantes, and the beginning of playdates with our kiddos.

This year I decided to dress up a little so I snagged some Minnie Mouse ears and gloves from Disney World the last time we went - it was pretty fun!

Kian decided to be a Red Power Ranger - Samurai this year - yeah I know, those of you without boys Kian's age are wondering what in the world that is...it's pretty much a super hero :)

Our quest to find this costume was not an easy one. Kian only wanted to be the Red Power Ranger. It had to be Samurai and it had to have a sword.

After looking online, I saw that the costume did not come with the sword so our mission was set. We hopped in the car and set out for the nearest store in search of the Power Ranger Samurai Sword. It's a mission that could not have been completed without Kian since I have little knowledge of the Power Rangers in general and the sword had to be specific.

On our first stop we found the costume in his size, sans sword. Even though Kian *needed* the sword I decided to get the costume anyway figuring it could always be returned. Then we were off to our next stop. Where does one go to find a very specific toy? Yep, Toys R Us. After a quick look through the aisles in the boys section and a lot of redirecting of Kian (we had to complete our mission before perusing the rest of the toys!) we finally found the Power Ranger area. Kian pointed to a toy and said that was the sword. After asking him if he was for sure that this was the right sword and his final answer being - "yes, mom!" *sigh* I knew our mission was over. Then it was on to looking through the rest of the toys. And upon coming home the sword went in the closet with the costume until All Hallows Eve.

This year I think Kian hauled in the most candy he's ever had! And he of course had a blast ToTing with his friends - and also ToTing around the Volition offices (which was where the Power Ranger was most recognized).

And as for myself, I had a blast not only walking along with Kian while he ToTed but also making Halloween goodies for Cream and Flutter.

Here is my handy work! I frosted all the vanilla "jack o cakes" and the "orange and black" cakes (they have orange frosting piped in the center before being dipped in chocolate ganache) as well as the pumpkin sugar cookies. I also made the black and orange sprinkles!!! (The fondant was done by the owners of the store - so I can't claim that). But I am pretty proud of the yummy treats I helped make for others to enjoy :)

Lessons of the Week

In the past few days I have learned that the curve ball life throws you when you're not even ready for it can turn into something way better than you had thought. And those scraped knees....well, I've learned a lesson. Painful one at that but it's learned. Now it's time to move on.

There's nothing I can do about curve balls or the actions of other people. But there is something I can do about how I handle what comes my way.

It's a Beautiful Week...

Sometimes you're driving along and a speed bump is suddenly in your path. Sometimes life throws you a curve ball and you're not even ready at the bat. And sometimes you're walking along a familiar street to be knocked down by a passerby. These moments conger feelings of shock, anger, sadness, and just plain walked upon. And it's moments like these that real friends reach out with a hand to help you up.

It's only Wednesday and that's been my week so far. I've moved passed the speed bump last night - that's all it was, a speed bump in my life. But I'm still trying to accept the curve ball and find a new way to deal with this pitcher. And my knees are scraped from being pushed down.

"It's a Beautiful Day" is now the running mantra in my head. I am reminded of it every time I look at my right wrist where I have 'beautiful day' tattooed in Gaelic. It's the reason why I got the tattoo in the first place. It reminds me that when things are rough there is always something to be thankful for- to keep you rolling on in life.

So why is my week "Beautiful"?

1) I'm alive

2) I am loved and cared for

3) I have a wonderful son and an amazing husband who have been awesome this whole week

To quote another U2 song: "it's just a moment, this time will pass."

And until then every day will be a beautiful day - no matter what.

Remembering 9/11/01 10 Years Later

When someone says the numbers 9 and 11 together one thing immediately pops into every American's mind. If you were alive on 9/11/2001, you remember where you were when you first heard of the plane crash into the World Trade Center. I personally can recall that day vividly.

I was living in L.A. area at the time with my aunt and her family. I was woken by my cellphone ringing. My fiance said something like, 'A plane crashed into the World Trade Center' or ' New York is under attack.' My mind was still foggy and I thought I was dreaming. I believe I said, 'what?' about 10 times before in he told me to turn on the TV. So I went into my cousin's room, where the closest TV was to me, and turned on the news to see replays of the planes hitting the World Trade Center. I could barely believe what I was seeing. It was something I didn't want to see over and over again but had to because it was just so unbelievable.

I kept the news on as I got myself ready to head to work. Even though I lived in the LA area, it was far enough away that I didn't have to worry about being hurt from any other attacks. I worked retail at the time. Most of us just stood around watching the news in the electronics area. We had one person come in the store the whole day...well, my our area anyway.... no one was going about normal business - even as far away as a smaller city north of LA.

The attacks that occurred 10 years ago on this day impacted America as a whole. It broke all of our hearts. But it also united us in our American spirit.

U2 360 in the (RED) Zone!

Tuesday, July 5th my husband and I headed up to Chicago to see U2 for the second time this tour. We were supposed to be at this very show last year, but the tour was postponed after Bono injured his back. Thankfully our tickets (purchased 18 months prior to this date) were still good! So all we had to do was show up :)

Our tickets were in a very special area; the (RED) Zone. If you're not familiar with Product (RED) here's a short explaination. Companies provide (RED) products for people to buy and a portion of the sale goes to (RED). The consumer gets a product and also buys AIDS/HIV meds for women in Africa. (RED) has saved so many lives over the last 10 years or so - you should check it out! Everyone uses something that is provided through Product (RED) :)

Anyway, our tickets were (RED) Zone tickets which put us on the outside ring of the stage. And not only that, it helped to buy quite a bit of AIDS meds - it was a major feel good purchase for me in many ways :)

Wonder how close we were to the stage? Check out the photo below. The outter ring was just feet away from us.

And here I am with my wonderful husband who puts up with my crazy U2 fandom :) The "Claw" is right behind us. Pretty cool self photo!

After the show started I could barely believe my eyes. This was the 7th U2 show I had been to and the closest I had ever been to the stage. I was able to see the guys without having to look at the screen (and they weren't as big as ants when I did lol).

Since we were on Adam's side of the stage, he came out on the outter ring more than any other band member. And he usually stood in our section for a few minutes rather than just walking by which is what everyone else pretty much did. Check out the super cool photo my hubby got for Adam.

Bono took his time coming down from center stage to our area. He only walked by (ok, he slowly swaggered in his Bono way) but you better believe I reached out as far as I could trying to touch him! I could not believe I was that close to him!

Below is a photo of Bono as he walked past us for a second time :)

I honestly could go on for days about how amazing the concert was. One very special thing happened that I will never forget. When they played Where the Street Have No Name, it started to rain...just a short rain... But even Bono acknowledged how special it was saying that something special always happens at their concerts in Chicago - and even highlighted saying during their Popmart Tour that their stop in Chicago gave them a confidence in what they were doing.

It was an amazing night of music that also touched my soul - just as every other show I have ever been to has done.

Enjoy the video below. It's of Bono walking by and making eye contact with my husband as he was filming (hence the crotch shot by accident lol)

New Recipe #1 - Tuscan Chicken with Mushroom Risotto

This is a Rachael Ray 30 Minute Meals recipe. I religiously watched her show when I was first married (almost 10 years ago!) and printed off a bunch of recipes I would like to try. A lot of them I never got around to because there were things I was afraid of (like shallots, fresh herbs) not to mention, our budget did not include being able to purchase these more pricey items. So this recipe, along with a few others, sat in a binder in the cupboard where I keep my recipes. It finally saw the light of day when I wanted to find something new to make.

I had never made risotto but I love risotto and found the courage to try making it. Well, my first got at it was not a success. Which was a shame because the mushrooms in it were one of the most expensive parts of the whole meal! But I guess you live and learn - which I did :)

The Tuscan Chicken (recipe listed at the bottom of this post) has a wonderful flavor and made the chicken very moist - even when the left overs were rewarmed. I did make a mistake though (I have to come clean), I forgot the to add the flour before I added the liquid at the end. So I wasn't able to make the rue as needed and the sauce was very runny. That is one thing I won't forget next time!

My words of advice if you decide to make this meal:

If you have never made risotto before, DO NOT use this recipe as your first go around. In a later post I will share a recipe I think it better for a first try at risotto. It's one that won't leave you in tears if you have to throw it away.

And don't forget to make the rue with the Tuscan Chicken! It's important in order to thicken the sauce...and no one wants to eat raw flour :p

Tuscan Chicken

Ingredients

• 2 pounds boneless, skinless chicken thighs
• 1 1/2 pounds chicken breast tenderloins
• Salt and pepper
• 3 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 6 cloves garlic, crushed
• 3 tablespoons white wine vinegar
• 2 tablespoons butter
• 2 shallots, chopped
• 6 sprigs fresh rosemary, finely chopped
• 2 tablespoons flour
• 1 cup dry white wine
• 2 cups beef broth (yes, beef broth)

Directions

Heat a large, deep skillet over medium high heat. Season chicken with salt and pepper. Add 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil, half the chicken pieces, and a couple of crushed cloves of garlic.

Brown chicken 2 minutes on each side and remove from pan. Add remaining oil, another single turn of the pan, remaining chicken pieces and garlic. Brown chicken 2 minutes on each side and remove. Add vinegar to the pan. Let it cook off.

Add butter, shallots, and rosemary to the pan and cook 2 minutes, add flour and cook 1 minute more. Whisk in wine, reduce 1 minute. Whisk in broth and bring liquids up to a bubble. Return chicken to the pan and simmer over moderate heat 7 to 8 minutes to finish cooking chicken through.

Wild Mushroom Risotto

Mushroom stock and vegetable stock are now available on soup aisle of market in 1 quart paper containers. They are both rich and deep in color. These stocks are necessary for the preparation of this dish.

Ingredients

• 2 ounces dried porcinis (look for these in produce department)
• 1 quart mushroom broth or vegetable stock
• 1 tablespoon (1 turn around the pan) extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 tablespoon butter
• 1 shallot, finely chopped
• 1 cup arborio rice
• 1/2 cup dry Sherry
• 4 sprigs fresh thyme, leaves chopped to about 2 tablespoons
• 1/2 cup (3 handfuls) grated Parmigiano-Reggiano
• Coarse salt and pepper

Directions

Place dried porcinis and stock or broth in a saucepan and bring stock to a boil. Reduce heat to low and simmer.

In a large skillet, heat oil and butter over medium to medium high heat. Add shallots and saute 2 minutes. Add arborio rice and saute, 2 or 3 minutes more. Add Sherry and cook the liquid completely absorbed. Add several ladles of hot stock or broth and reduce heat slightly. Simmer, stirring frequently until liquid is absorbed.

Remove mushrooms from water and reserve cooking liquid. Coarsely chop the porcinis and add them to the rice. Continue to ladle broth into arborio, half the remaining amount at a time. Stir mixture each time you add broth and remove from heat when the rice is cooked to al dente. Cool and store any remaining liquids if there are any.

The ideal total cooking time for perfect risotto is 22 minutes. The consistency should be creamy.

Stir in thyme and a few handfuls of grated cheese. Season your risotto with salt and pepper to your taste. Serve creamy mushroom risotto from the hot pan with warm, crusty whole grain breads.

Putting Passion Back into Cooking

A few days ago I was in the midst of my normal routine. I opened my recipe book and scanned through it to make our "menu" for the week and a list of needed ingredients. The recipes I had did not sound appealing. They were either ones that seemed more for cooler weather or ones that I had made recently. So I decided right then and there that I was going to make a goal for myself: make one new recipe per week for the next year.

In doing this I have rediscovered my passion for cooking. A lot of times I would see it as a chore. And now I start thinking that way but once I start cooking and the amazing aromas fill the kitchen, I feel the passion growing for making better food for me and my family.

My other goal is to post the recipe I tried each week along with my thoughts. I plan to post even if dinner is a failure - after all, not every recipe will be one to enter permanent rotation.

Need a laugh?

Check out this link: http://www.happyplace.com/4286/brilliantly-sarcastic-responses-to-completely-well-meaning-signs

Remembering...

Over the last few weeks Kian has talked to me about missing our dog Toby, our cat Allie, and his Papaw Jay. I've have no idea why he keeps asking me about them. And at random times he's said, "I miss Toby and Allie and Papaw Jay" and the tears begin to flow.

I knew that Toby (our black lab) passed away in the summer of 2008 so I went back to see when I posted about his death. He died on June 28th - which would make the time that Kian started mentioning missing Toby around the 3rd anniversary of his death. Odd....

Allie, our black and white cat, also died only 2 months later of a broken heart. She loved Toby, became depressed, stopped eating, and her body had an illness it no longer could battle. And Kian's Papaw Jay passed away in April of last year. Since we told Kian that Toby and Allie and Papaw Jay were all in heaven he groups them together.

Kian still doesn't have a good sense of time or uses the wrong words (says weeks instead of days or last year when it was yesterday), so it makes me wonder how his little barely 4 year old brain clung to the timing of Toby's death. Kian might not use the right words, but he has an impeccable memory. Still, it leaves me to wonder how he started talking about our beloved pets who passed away out of the blue and around the anniversary of Toby's death.

Life can be mysterious sometimes...

This Summer

So far this summer has been a hit - and is going by fast!

Kian has kept us busy with a myriad of activities. So far he has done a week long soccer camp and is currently doing t-ball and swimming AS WELL AS a reading class in the mornings for 2 hours! phew! It's the first summer I have worked outside the house, so it has made things interesting in getting Kian to and from activities plus doing the normal day-to-day things around and outside the house. Kian really does enjoy all his activities and if he didn't have them I am pretty sure he would be bored :p

Kian playing first base

No only have activities in town kept us busy, but things out of town as well. A few weekends ago we had the honor of attending Jamie's cousin (and Kian's godfather) wedding in Pennsylvania. Martin, the groom, has waited and searched for the right woman for a *long* time. Having found the right woman he snatched her up and married her while being engaged for only 6 short months - when you know it's right you know it's right :) Our long drive to and from IL to PN was worth it ;)

Martin marrying his beautiful wife, Lisa. Notice Jamie in the far right - a groomsman.

Then the day after we got back from our trip Jamie headed down to Orlando with some guys who worked on Red Faction: Armageddon to speak to the students at Full Sail University. To read more check out Jamie's blog.

Recalculated my Disney Vacation Ticker and....

I am shocked we are leaving in 67 days!!!!!!

Yeah, yeah - we just went to WDW in January and I haven't even finished posting the highlights from our trip (heck, I have an empty frame on our wall that I still need to fill with photos from our trip!).

So, why another trip so soon? Well, every year we get seasons passes to Great America or something like it. When we lived in Cali, it was Discovery Kingdom which was nice because I could look at animals, see an animal show and forgo the rides that make my motion sickness kick into full swing. :p When we moved to Central IL we got GA seasons passes. I gotta say, I hated it and sucked it up for 2 years....being the stroller pusher and lady-in-waiting for her guys to get off a roller coaster. Last summer I finally let it out that I really didn't enjoy going up there for a whole weekend - something I still feel guilty about.... So this spring, when GA was emailing us about the cost of seasons passes I was hoping that Jamie and the 7 year old would go on their own...after some glares I could see that was a no go.

"Why don't we do something we all enjoy?" was my suggestion in the hopes to avoid another summer of being the stroller lady-in-waiting. Once again I was met with a steely gaze and the question of 'like what'" So I suggested that the money we would spend on parking, passes, food, and hotel handful of times we would go up to GA, that we put that money towards another Disney trip. That was met with silence followed by some clicking on the computer key board so I went to go and do my own thing.

About an hour later Jamie was telling me about deals with Disney and how much a trip would be.... Ah....so yes, we get to do something we ALL love - not just like!

So in 67 days, Jamie can thank my motion sickness and determination to forgo my crown as the stroller lady. Those days are over! :)